Deja Vu

That word looks funny, but that's how it's spelled. Except for the accent marks.

Anyway, I was reading some blogs, and it reminded me of back when we had our little house blog, and the discussions that happened over the blog were out of control. They should have taken place in person and not in a public forum. Because once the words were out, I could delete the post, but it had still been read and the damage had been done. It was regrets all around. Just a bad idea in general. We would say things in the heat of anger and regret them later, because that's just the way things go in relationships with people. It's why our blog went to pieces.

So, enough of that.

Do you ever get that where you think you've forgotten about something and then all of a sudden it crops up again and you can't stop thinking about it? Grrr. Last night, I was laying in bed and it was all just going through my mind over and over and I couldn't make myself stop thinking about it. Maybe my brain was just trying to make up for the last couple of weeks when I never thought about it at all. Silly brain. It will pay for this!!!

All this fuss...

...about the hurricane down in the Gulf of Mexico makes me glad I don't live there. I don't know why one would in the first place, honestly. Terrible weather, hurricane or not. Can't imagine why people are still milling around down there. I mean, I guess it's hard to believe that something that bad would really happen to you, but still. Guess we'll see what happens.

I love Bach's Cello Suite 1, Prelude. Very well-known piece, but still, I think it's beautiful. Wish I could play it on the violin. Oh, speaking of which...

Yesterday, I ended up going on a total shopping spree. Part of that spree was that I bought a whole set of Dominant strings for my violin. Cost $50, but I think it will be worth it. I can't wait to try them out. 'S going to be great. And I bought tons of clothes. And the coolest pair of shoes. I don't usually get off on shoes, but these are super funky. Yay.

The menace that is cold coffee

You know, I get busy and then forget that I ever poured myself a cup, regardless of the fact that it's sitting right in front of me. Absent minded, I guess.

Last night I hauled myself out to watch the Brothers Grimm. It was pretty good. I haven't had a lot of luck in picking movies recently. Rented Constantine, not aware of just how violently demonic it was. Ugh. Turned it off after half an hour. But Brothers Grimm was good. Funny. A little slow at first, but oh well.

I went to the doctor yesterday. That was dumb. I just hate going to the doctor. It's like, haven't I seen enough doctors in my life to last a little while? But then I have to remind myself that some people have it a lot worse than I do. I didn't want to get the blood work but I knew I should even though I cringe at what the results will be. So I got the stupid blood work. My elbow still hurts. Is that what you call the inside of your elbow joint? Probably not. Whatever. Must have hit a nerve or something 'cause it's making my arm ache.

Going to Alaska in a week. Looking forward to that, seeing friends and all. I think I might go shopping for something to wear to the wedding. Hate shopping. Actually, I don't hate shopping, I just hate looking in the mirror and thinking how much cuter that would look if I was 30 lbs lighter. I know, I know... I don't want the lecture.

Been thinking about Cornell University lately. They have a great astronomy/physics department. Probably way out of my price range, but then, heck, isn't everything? Sometimes I think I'm one of those people who dream big but never have the guts to go through with anything. Hmm.

Okay, I've had enough of you all.

My cat is a menace and so are TV ads

Super funny - my aunt is here visiting, and she brought her little dog Joey. I forget what kind of dog he is, but he's white and fluffy and fairly small. We, on the other hand, have this monstrous cat. He's a huge, orange, 20-pounder, and very protective of his territory. The puppy just wants to make friends, and the kitty hisses and sends the dog cowering into the corner. It's funny.

Have you ever listened to some of those insurance ads on TV? They go like this - "If you or a loved one has been injured or killed in a car accident..." I get what they mean, but honestly, that's a little hokey. Yes, I have been killed in a car accident and I would like to sue!

Okay, that's it. I'm bored of this.

Argh! Tagged!

Well, okay, so I gather I'm supposed to put down the 5 top songs I'm listening to these days, so here goes:

1) Artist: Nickel Creek, Album: Why Should the Fire Die?, Song: When in Rome

2) Ditto all above, Song: Jealous of the Moon

3) Artist: Train, Song: When I Look to the Sky (I think)

4) Artist: Michael Buble, Album: It's Time, Song: Home

5) Ditto all above, Song: Save the Last Dance for Me

I guess I get to tag people now... let's see...
Bethany
Jessica
And hey, why not, my mom.

So, that's it. Thanks for tuning in.

This is me from a year ago with the tow truck driver who pulled our van out of the ravine. I'm really just testing this program called Hello.

Another day, another destiny, another post

I stole the first part of that from Les Miserables, the musical. That is the one DVD that I own. Love it. Anyway, somehow that line ended up in my blog title. I don't know about things like that.

I'm enjoying West Virginia. It's very peaceful out here where my parents live. Yesterday I went to church with them. They're really excited about what's happening in their church, and it was good to be able to see that. I had a hard time getting into it myself, but you know, there were extenuating circumstances. I had a low blood sugar right in the middle and didn't really have anything to take care of it, but I ate a couple lifesavers and it righted itself eventually. Anyway, it was good though.

My mom is on the phone coaching one of her friends whose first child is going away to college this year. My mom is the expert on empty nest stuff - my sister has been gone for 8 years and I've been gone for five. Good on you, Mom. Anyway, I wish I had a funny story or an interesting thought, but alas, there is none for today. Maybe later.

Here in West Virginia

I made it safe and sound to the home of my parents. It's fun to be here, I guess. I had a great time giving them their gifts. It's going to be nice to have three weeks where I'm not actually living out of a suitcase. So, that's good. I had to get up at like 4:45 this morning to catch the transport to Midway Airport, and then my flight wasn't until 12:30, so I sat in the airport for like 4 hours. Oh well. My life is just one airport after another these days. My own choice, I guess.

To all my homies out there - I love you. Keep in touch, guys. Stay cool.

Friends

Well, I guess the most breaking news is that my friend Brooke is in labor. She has been for about 14 hours, poor girl. Hope everything is okay.

Got the "go ahead," as it were, for Ireland. Have to make plans now.

I wonder

...well, I wonder a lot of things, and I thought I was inspired to write about them, but I find that I no longer feel like it. It's because, I think, they are things that require a different forum. One less public, perhaps.

Not that I don't love you guys or anything. You know how it is. Where's my journal...

Broke and loving coffee

That's me. Watch out, house. I will call later.

Disappointment

I am very disappointed in myself right now. I mean, extremely. I mean, so much that it is making me sick to my stomach. I don't know what to do about it, really. It's like even while I was doing it, I knew it was wrong, and I just didn't draw on the strength to fight it. And then I was like, way to be a loser, Joanna. I mean, I know what is right and what is wrong, and sometimes it feels like I just can't stop and yet I know that I can because I have. Grrr. I am just so ashamed of myself. And then I want to say, God, help, I'm sorry what can I do? But I feel like I can't sometimes because I just did something that I've been asking for help not to do and it's like I just ignored the fact that He is there to help me and did it and then I want to turn around and say, Oops, sorry, golly gee, won't do that again...NOT. I mean, how can I ask God to understand? I wouldn't understand. And I know that is totally not how God thinks, but I'm used to thinking human so it's difficult to understand that God doesn't think human style. Ugh, this is so humiliating. Maybe the way I should look at it is that God knew that I wasn't going to pass this test, and there is something very specific that He wants me to get out of not passing it. I'm not saying that He set me up for failure, although it might seem like it, it's just that maybe there's a bigger picture. Some picture that unless I see, I'm going to keep making the same mistakes over and over. I don't know what that picture is, nor do I have any clues, but it's a thought. I think I just need some perspective on this stuff. I shall go watch a movie and get some. Ha... I know that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense.

POLKIE!!!!!

You are in big trouble with me, I just want you to know that. For one, I don't know that I'm going to be staying at the house when I come, and for two, I am definitely not staying in the high bed, and for three, where is your other roomie, anyway? So, there you go.

Beth, I'm glad you liked the post. My deranged mind is coming up with all sorts of things these days. Anything for a good laugh, hey? Do write some more.

I am eating peach yogurt and drinking coffee. Super cool.

Tonight

Okay, here's the newest venture - I'm trying to change the comment thing. To clarify, you know how at the bottom of the post it says 0 comments, or whatever, and some people have changed that to see funny/witty things. I know you have to change the code, I just can't figure out where to change to make it work. Anybody out there who knows, let me know. I should know how, and if my computer was up and running I could do it because I am queen of macs, but PCs throw me for a loop. Well, whatever.

The new template is in honor of my new found boredom. Actually, if I go up to Alaska for two weeks, which I am, that means it's going to only be like another three weeks that I'm sitting before things go into motion. Actually, I really need to know for sure if I'm set to go to Ireland, because as soon as I know that for sure, then I need to do a bunch of quick calling and arranging of things. Oh whatever.

I might go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory later. But you know, I'm kind of tired. I think my brain is working even slower than my typing is. Or maybe it's going the other way around and I just can't tell. Not sure about that one.

I wish I had more to share with the world. I'll keep you updated.

There you go

See, I can keep myself entertained. Thank you Janelle. If you like the story, I will continue it sometime. I read about the "tenth planet." Are we allowed to call it that? The Kupier Belt object. Anyway, you know I don't make cards and I only write long, hand-written letters if I have something really important to say, and I don't. And going to the gym costs money, which I don't have. I do go on walks, though. It's way too hot to run. I shall look into the "window shopping."

Here's a story beginning...

...that I may or may not ever finish. I just came out of my head, so I wrote it down.

I’m watching the sun rise from the hazy horizon. How many times have I sat here, on mornings just like this, staring vacantly, half-awake, as the big orange ball spreads light in its path? Today, of course, is different. This is the last day I will see this sun rise in just this way. My name is Ashley Callaghan, and I am a 23-year-old prison inmate. Today, I leave Earth and I am never coming back.

Do you ever wonder if you could go back and change just one thing in your life, if you could make just one decision different, what it would be? There is no question in my mind what decision changed the course of my entire life. It was the night when I told my little brother Derek that liars go to hell. I proceeded to describe in grotesque detail what they did to little liars down there. What can I say - he was an impressionable kid back then. Of course, I must also admit that as a young teenager, I only cared if he stayed out of my room and didn’t touch my stuff. Little did I know that in a few years he would be incapable of telling a lie that would be the only thing to stand between me and my own private life in hell.

Lalalala

I am talking to myself. That can only mean one of two things - either I've spent too much time around Ted Keller, or I am officially going insane. Maybe both. I'm wandering around the house talking to myself simply because I am so bored. I am not being mentally stimulated. The biggest thrills I'm getting come from going to the bookstore and reading some stupid novel that does nothing for me traveling on the path to clarity. Honestly. It's like, get a life, Boj. See, I'm even talking to myself on my blog. Ho. Well, that's all for now folks. Drop a comment or two.

Yay

Well, here I am listening to my favorite Nickel Creek song of all times. Yay.

I wrote Andrew Giles today. Told him the whole deal. We'll see what happens. Yay.

I am writing yay things today. I'm going to run out of them pretty soon. Yay.

I went on a walk this morning. Yay.

Walked down to Aromas and got an iced mocha, but it was gross, so I threw most of it away. Yay.

Met a legally blind lady walking home, helped her cross the street. Yay.

Will vacuum the carpets at some point and be bored the rest of the day. Yay.

Can't believe I'll be sitting around doing nothing for another week and a half until I go to my parents for who knows how long and have a great time but still be doing nothing. Yay.

Can't do squat with my ticket to Alaska, but can change my mom's to be mine and only pay $200 extra, I think. Yay.

Maybe I'll go up to Whitestone for a couple of weeks, if they'll let me. Yay.

Got an email from Karen Austin this morning out of the blue. Yay.

Check out her website - Austin and the Energy - there's not much there but some cool pics and a bio. Yay.

I am very bored. I don't know what else to do with myself. I'm already doing all the dishes, which tells you that I'm super bored or somewhere along this way I got responsible. Yay.

I am bored because I am boring. I guess. Whatever. Yay.

Wow, I am boring. Oh well. Yay.

Here again

It's five to eleven in the morning, I think it's August 2nd. My face is kinda breaking out for no apparent reason. Oh well. It'll pass. My stuff is getting a little spread around the living room because there's nowhere else for it to go. I'm listening to Michael Buble. It reminds me of Simeon, mostly because that's who I nicked it from right before I left. I tried to make some coffee this morning, but it was just plain terrible. I hate that. I'm a little bored. I think I'm going to go on a walk. Feeling kinda blobish, you know? Hate that, too.

I got a nice email from Andrew Giles this morning. I guess Yang and Shu left. It's terrible really. That's three people in the space of like, a week. It's just too bad because they seemed so blessed by the youth camp and such, and then they take off. Not a lot of staying power. Oh well. I guess when you've only lived in community for a few months it doesn't get into your bones as much as over ten years does. Anyway, so, yeah, the email was nice. It was nice to hear from there, really. I'm glad I could be encouraging.

My bank account is overdrawn. Again. I need to call them or something. I'm so broke right now. I don't know how I'm going to support myself for the next little while. I seriously have no money. I mean, I do, but not exactly accessible right now. What to do, what to do. Can't even buy myself a cup of coffee.

The cat is snoring behind me. Super funny. She sheds a lot.

I hate this feeling of being caught in limbo. I mean... whatever.

I'm a list person, I'm realizing. I feel so much better when I have everything down in a list and I can see what I need to do and mark it off as I go. It's sort of the same reason why I blog. I need to write me thoughts down somewhere so that they don't all float around and hide in corners until inopportune moments.

What am I waiting for? I mean, do I think I'm going to change my mind? Am I? It's important that I answer that question before I do anything rash.

I need to get my eyebrows waxed. I know you all wanted to know that. I mean, I could just take the time to do them myself, but it's just such a strain. Not really, I'm just being lazy. Sharon plucked them so I felt like a freshly plucked chicken, but I'm kinda letting them get out of control, so they look kinda ungroomed. It was so funny, Brenda, Nathan's mom, could not stop raving about my hair. It does look better now then a couple of months ago when it was a bit too short.

This afternoon, I need to go the Green Street and exchange my British pounds. Okay, now I'm going to get my bank account fixed up. Oh wait. I can't. I don't have a phone. Poop. Grr. Not sure what happened to the one that I had that was Grandma's. Argh. Oh well.

Enough rambling. Stay cool, guys.

Well, well, well

I have the house to myself tonight. Bo is taking a CPR class and Nathan is out playing pool. I'm kind of just bumming around - watching TV, doing dishes. Rather, I was watching TV and I will do dishes. At some point. I don't really have anything else to say. I'm still on the road to figuring things out, but I'm getting more sure about going to Ireland and not going to UAA at all. We'll see.