What merriness

Hmmm... I've gotten so few spam comments that I've not bothered to turn on any preventative measures, but that one takes the cake. I usually just delete them, but I think I'm going to have to keep that one around for the funniness of it all. Glad you all enjoyed it.

I've been working this morning on learning about the Little Doctor, which is a data logger that Michael Bailey has developed. I'm supposed to be the news sales rep apparently, but I'm a little nervous about it. I'm not good at selling. I surprise myself with how much I don't want to do this, but I think it's just me being silly. Ah well.

Anyway, thanks for all your love and support :)

I'm here

Well, this isn't going to be long because I don't feel like taking forever on the computer tonight, but I made is safely to Ireland. Both times I've entered the country, the customs people give me hell. Oh well. I did get in, eventually. I'm recovering from jetlag and other than that all is fine. I love you all out there immensely.

I spent a butload of money today

I bought a new computer. Spent more than I should have. Got a PowerBook. I like it. Found a nifty program, totally free, to download songs from iPod to Mac. It's called Senuti. Get it? My other harddrive was a goner. Lost all my pictures from Europe. I was really bummed out. Argh. Leaving on Monday. Yay.

Did you know...

...that it's after two in the morning and for some reason I am not yet in bed.

Here are two things about me:

1.) I think books, movies, and TV are far more interesting than my life and would rather spend hours pretending I am not living the life that I am.

2.) I am a complete lame-o because I go to the movies on a Friday night by myself, and then go spend all day drinking coffee and reading in a bookstore. Even the coffee maker guy thinks I'm strange.

Oh and here's another thing - The only reason I write in my blog is because I always feel like I want to have a deeply empassioned thought session and then I get distracted and never actually get around to it.

God, when did I become so terribly lame?

HELP! I CAN'T STOP POSTING!

Seriously, you'd think three posts in one day was enough. Well, I plead insanity, and I plead, um, mercy due to the fact that it is almost tomorrow, and um, I plead the fifth amendment, except that I don't really or else I'd stop talking. Okay, no more pleading. Please!

Man, I hate it when I get too introspective. It happens when I don't have enough to keep me busy. Then my brain goes off the deep end. My subconcious begins to laugh maniacally and say, "MWHAHAHAHA! Now is the time to grab control!" Wow, okay, maybe not. Forgive the anthropomorphic personification of the subconcious.

All that too say that the past couple of days have been filled with self-analysis and wonderings. Which really isn't a bad thing, it's just the way things are. It is almost midnight. I am listening to Keane. I am chatting with Lt. Polk. Okay, so here is what my amazing brain has been thinking... I would very much like to go on a date. Now, those of you who don't really know me personally or the way I've lived (Lord knows if there are even any of those people who read my blog) will think that there is nothing that unusual about wanting to go on a date. But for those of you who do, you'll know what I mean. It's not really about going on a date, it's about just wanting the ability to do that kind of thing. I want to meet some guy and be good friends with him and be really attracted to him and he to me and then I want him to ask me to go out with him. And that's all. What I mean by "that's all" is that I'm not looking for a lightening bolt of relationshipness, I just mean to have some fun. And I don't mean "have some fun" in the sense of going out and living a life of debauchery, I just mean, having a good time. God I hate explaining myself, but I hate it even more when I don't get across exactly what I mean. Anyway, but now I'm galavanting off to Ireland I certainly won't get any dates over there. Goodness, this is so difficult.

Maybe I just want some interesting people to talk to. That's probably why I started conversing with some random guy the other day. I read his blog and he seems nice. He made me laugh. I wish I knew more people like that in person. No offense to all you funny people out there. Maybe it's some desire to be able to start over. The people I know I've known for quite some time. And that's good, because they love me through all the bad things I've done and we have strong bonds. I don't know, maybe it's impossible to explain what I want. Maybe I don't even know. Ha, that's more than likely. The stupid thing is that you can't really be friends with random people on the internet. I mean, I guess you could if they wanted to as well, but usually they just think you're some psycho. Is everyone so satisfied with their lives that they don't feel the need to reach out beyond the borders of their own worlds? Like, I find myself wanting to be friends with everyone. Like the guy who makes my coffee at the bookstore. He seems like a nice guy, but I can't just go around chatting up some guy. I mean, I could, but he'd think I was a psycho. Are we catching the theme here? PSYCHO, PSYCHO. Okay, so I only say that because I would obviously think someone was psycho if they did that to me. Maybe I just need to be more open-minded.

(No real need for a paragraph break here, just doing it to keep you going. Long paragraphs are hard to get through.)

You know, it could be that all this adventure in my life, like as far as moving around so much and travelling, has given me a taste for new and different things, hence a taste for new and different people. Who knows. Just humor me.

And Mr. Random Guy that I talked to the other day on Yahoo!, thanks for talking to me, hope to do it again. I'm really not a psycho... honest.

Desist rambling.

Some lovely tidbits I have stolen from other blogs.

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

John Gillespie Magee, Jr.

And on a different note...

do........the stuff that buys my beer
ray.......the guy who sells me beer
mi........the guy who drinks the beer
fa........the distance to my beer
so........and so, I'll have a beer
la........I'll have another beer
ti........no thanks, I'm drinking beer

that will bring me back to.......
oops looks like an empty keg

GOD... that's funny.

My Daddy

Your Daddy Is Pedro Martinez

What You Call Him: Dada Why You Love Him: He's the Mack Daddy

Who's Your Daddy?

I don't know what this is supposed to mean, but there you have it.

Break the wrist and walk away

Napoleon Dynamite and such a stinking quotable movie! I can't get it outta my head, man!

Well, breaking news is that I slept until three this afternoon. I feel justified, though, because I travelled all night the night before. Hate airplanes. I'm just figuring that out. I've spent half my life travelling in one. My official home is a freakin' 747. Nah, I'm not in a bad mood, I'm just ready to find a home. You know - even just an apartment to call my own for a couple of years, a place to put up some book shelves and unpack my personal library. I think that any place I can do that deserves the name of "home" to me. Me and my sacred library.

I've often wondered what it is about books that just makes me happy. Seriously, I have so many it's insane. I remember when I first started collecting my own personal library, as I called it then. I decided that borrowing books for the public library wasn't good enough because I always had to turn around and give them back after a month. I think I must have been twelve, and I'd just finished reading my fourth Tom Clancy book. Honestly, who reads Tom Clancy at twelve? The first of his books I ever read was Hunt for the Red October, and I just loved it. Oh well, no need to establish the fact that I'm a little eccentric... we already knew that. Anyway, enough of that. Tonight, I'm going to go to my old haunt, the Barnes and Noble down the interstate, and get some coffee and peruse the books to my hearts content. Yay.

For those of you out there who care about where I am and where I'm going, I'm in West Virginia right now. Had a great couple of weeks in Alaska. I'll be here with my parents for a week and then I'm flying off to Ireland for seven or eight months. I'm struck with how fast that will go. I mean, I don't even know where I'll be in a year. And a year is such a short time as it is. Anyway, that is my itinerary.

Love and kisses to all you out there.

It was beautiful

The wedding was very nice. Pretty much par for the course for a Whitestone wedding. It was pretty short, but that was fine because I was only there for the food. Just kidding. I did have two pieces of that fruit tart thing. I know, I know, I'm such a pig. Chris had written a beautiful song for Laura that he sang at the dinner on Thursday, but he sang it at the reception yesterday by request. It was beautiful. I love watching people's faces when they are in love. The love in Chris's face as he looked at Laura and sang was beautiful. I was honored to be able to see it.

Anyway, last night Nathan and I sat and drank coffee and talked for a couple of hours. I really enjoyed that. I like Nathan a lot and I wish him the best.

I leave tomorrow. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm glad. I'm ready to go. I'm really glad I came up here because now I know past any doubts that I might have had that I'm ready to move on. I remember when I was in Ireland earlier, talking to Simeon, and I said that I just couldn't believe I had left. It hadn't sunk in that I had really done it. I needed to come up here and put a few last ghosts to rest. I won't go into what they were, but suffice it to say that I've done it. Don't get me wrong, it's still a tad bittersweet, but in a good way. Those of you who have had to move on from a place or a circumstance that meant a lot to you will understand what I mean. I'll never forget the people, the memories may make me cry sometimes, and up until this point, I can honestly say that these have been the best five years of my short life. Despite all of that, though, I'm ready to move on with no regrets and no wonderings of what might have been. It's right.

It's an honor to have someone trust me enough to be honest with me. I have good friends, and I have many people that actually look up to me. What I think matters to them. I influence people. I've never realized just how true that was until this visit. I think I may have noticed it more because I came back with these experiences that people wanted to hear about and it was like people really wanted to talk to me. Suddenly, I was someone to reckon with. But I digress slightly. I'm learning to take the influence I have on people seriously. I am a very, very opinionated person, and I have no problems flaunting my opinions with a devil-may-care attitude. But I'm learning that I have to be careful. There are some who trust me to give them advice, who honor me with that. And it is indeed an honor. I view myself as a nobody, but I'm not. Not in the eyes of the people who care. And with this new-found revelation, I realize I have to be more cautious. I have to be honest, and I have to be real, but I have to remember that I have more influence than I dared realize. But I don't view this as added responsibility, I view it as a gift. And it's a gift I want to use wisely. I want to care more. I want to be worthy of this honor.

I am a more confident person than I used to be. I don't know when I changed, nor if it was so sudden as to be observable, but somewhere along the way it became noticeable. To me anyway. I used to think I would be more confident if I was skinnier, or more disciplined. In all honesty, it was none of those things that I thought would culminate in self-confidence. I still have all the weaknesses I used to have. And yet, here I am, a more confident person. Was it my vast range of experiences this summer? Maybe a little. Is it just that now is the time? Have I only just begun to grow up? Probably. Honestly, I can't answer the questions. But I'll tell you one thing - I like the change. In truth, people have said that I look good. I was told I looked lovely at the wedding, by many people. But I haven't changed outwardly. Maybe my haircut suits me, maybe I finally got around to doing something about my eyebrows. But I haven't really changed. I know that's not what they're seeing. It's because suddenly, I'm not undermining myself by my inherent sense of worthlessness. It doesn't mean I don't feel rejection, or any of those type of things, but suddenly I can move past it. I can feel it and not be angry at those who unwittingly inflict it, because it doesn't hurt as much as it used to. It's good.

I cannot honestly tell you what changed, but there you have it.

I saw Sam at the wedding. I hope his life turns out. His rough exterior doesn't hide the fact that his heart is breaking. I hope he does right by that woman. And her kids. Be a man for once, Sam. Don't flaunt your opinions and then cower in the corner. Do what's right, and damn what people think.

Tonight, we are having a dinner in my honor. Yay. I think it's going to be Janelle, Dan, Jessica, Hannah, Josiah, Anthony, Abigail, Rita and me. And Alicia's going to come over later. My closest friends. I'm honored.

I have used that word many times today. It all makes me feel rather small. What a privelege.

I think I'll stop now, before I become far too introspective. I'm sure I've already done enough analysis for one day.

Well, it's a good thing...

I finally heard back from Andrew Giles, for myself and via my pa. Thankfully, I will be getting support as a contributing member, as it were, of society, so that solves a big problem. Did you know that in Ireland, diabetes medicine is free? That's outta control! Too bad I probably won't be able to benefit from that, just being a "visitor" and all. Anyway, good times and all that.

Packing my stuff yesterday was a real thrill and a half. I'm leaving so much behind, but that's fine. Anyway, I got it down to six fairly heavy boxes, and shipping was a total of $181. Considering that I was prepared to pay twice that if I had to, I'm counting myself fairly lucky. Anyway, it's good to have that done. I'm going upriver again today to haul stuff down that I'm leaving behind, so that'll wrap up that process.

Sayonara, tsetchem leshalom, and gluckliche Reise!

Here today, gone tomorrow

Well, this is the week of festivity. Yay, hurray. The men's shower for Chris is tonight, and then on Thursday is the wedding dinner, and then on Saturday, all of it comes to fruition, as it were. Good times.

I just finished a Terry Pratchett book called The Science of the Discworld. It's more non-fiction than fiction, although it has a bit of that too. If you enjoy science, like real science (as opposed sci-fi) it's really interesting. It took me a while to read through it, mostly because I was reading it really in depth, so I wanted to take my time and read it all. I really liked it though. I feel like I actually learned a lot reading it. Made me feel smart. Call me silly and you'd probably be right. Anyway, apparently he's written another two somewhat similar ones. I'll get them sometime.

So, I'm off to pack up all my crap for the 80 Acres and erase almost every trace that I was ever here. Hahahah!!!

Gosh

I guess nobody likes my blog anymore. No comments. Hate that.

I have been working in the kitchen, which has been fun. I still don't like it very much, but it's nice to hang out with people. The silly thing is that I came all the way to Alaska to see my friends, and I'd rather read a book than work with them. How lazy of me. But then, I already knew that.

Well, I guess, Ireland, here I come. Should be interesting, I guess.

No interesting title readily available

You know, it's funny - I am having a great time seeing everyone here and such, but I find I am not feeling the pull like I thought I might. I think I know I'm making the right move for now, as much as it freaks me out. I guess I'm just thankful that I'm not once again second guessing myself like I seem to always do. A little encouraging.

On a more interesting note, Emerson W. wants to come back here, I guess. That's a hard one. I mean, he was in torment for so long, it's hard to imagine he really knows what he wants after four months. But I can hardly judge. I just hope he's making the right decision, and if he is, then more power to him.

Last night, I went out to the island with Dan, Janelle, Steven, Jinni, Nathan, and Vanessa. We made a fire and had chicken and rice. It was a lot of fun. Reeked like smoke when I came back, but that's all part of the deal.

Meghan Bailey has become very cute. Fortunately, their little pants that I got them in France fit - even too big. Sigh of relief. Jessica is becoming such a little girl. She came up and gave me a big hug when I got here. I'm glad she remembered me.

Saturday evening I had dinner at the 80 Acres. Goodness, it was just like old times. I sat there and howled with laughter the whole time. It was a lot of fun. I also gave all my gifts away, and that was fun. You know, it's funny, I'm so nervous about giving my gifts. I think it's because I put thought and money into them, and I'm just worried that people won't like them. I think that comes from my amazing ability to take things way too personally. Of course, no one dislikes my gifts, that's just my personal little insecurity.

Today, Janelle is on laundry, and I'm hanging with her. Except for right now she's sleeping. I don't feel like going back to bed, I guess. I mean, I'm plenty tired. Just seems silly.

Let's see, what else...

I think that's about it for now. More later, of course.

Back in the saddle, after a fashion

Well, here I am, coming to you live from Delta Junction, AK. Good times, good times. I'm really enjoying seeing all the cool people. I can tell that my brain still isn't quite sure how to wrap itself around this little visit. I mean, I don't live here anymore, but it feels sort of like I do, yet I'm a visitor for all intents and purposes. It's just kinda strange. Oh well, I am having fun. Love you all out there.

Away from West Virginia

Man, that is some good coffee I made!

Um, right, so I'm flying out to Alaska tomorrow. I'm sure it will be fun. You know, it probably will not be near as exciting as I've built it up to be. No offense to anyone. But I mean, I'm going to see my friends, and that will be great, and then I'll just be hanging around for two weeks. You know, I think the fact that I'm writing this says something about how I react to things. Just follow me here. I mean, I used to get really excited about stuff, and just build it all up in my mind that whatever it was was going to be this amazing thing, and then it wasn't all I cracked it up to be. And so now, it's like I try to super down play my excitement about things. Makes me not so optimistic as I once was. It's like I'd just rather not think about how exciting something is going to be and then be disappointed. So, I'm sure AK will be fun. But, there is going to be a wedding happening, so the focus will pretty much be on that. That tells you how selfish I am. I wish I could have all the attention. Hate to say it, but there it is.

Well, there you go. That's it for the next couple of days, probably.