I am woman...

...hear me roar.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Weel, I'm in London today, flying back to the States tomorrow. I've really appreciated Andrew Giles' help for arrangements while here in London. It's been totally awesome. Today I got on the train and headed back to Russell Square to pick up some stuff I had left there. It was interesting. I had to take a convoluted route and walk some places because the Underground is still out of service in some areas. The Russell Square station is all blocked off, and there are policemen at every station. But, I'm now back at James and Wendy Croxsons, where I am staying. Wendy apparently even met my grandmother and was telling me how she thought she was amazing. Of course, I think so too...

Already I miss everyone from Blessington. I don't know what the future holds, but I think it's going to have to be different from what I was thinking. I'm sorry if that upsets anyone, but I have to do what I think is right, and right now I don't want to be in Anchorage. I am a friend needing person, so why am I leaving friends behind right, left, and center? It doesn't make any sense. I can just as easily take classes in Ireland as I can in the States, and I can be with people I love. It makes sense to me. Anyway, that's all for now.

Going

Leaving today. Not happy about it. Very mad. Don't want to go. Don't know what to do. Can't deal with this. Oh well.

Silly

I am a silly little girl. So much for that, eh? It's okay, some day my brain will figure things out. Until then, I'm just certifiably off my rocker. Oh well. Not like it's anything that hasn't happened before.

I feel compelled

Not for any particular reason, but I was reading various blogs and they made me sad. I mean, not the blogs, just certain posts. It makes me sad that some Christians proclaim to be such and don't act it, and others who don't have the time of day for such things seem to understand what it means to really love and forbear. I am a Christian. I don't know what that might mean to other people out there, but to me, it means that God loves the world, so He gave His Son to die for my sins that I could be redeemed. A little simplistic, but there you have it. It's not the end of the matter, I don't think, but I think that's where some of it begins. So all I can say is that if God loves me that much, than the least I can do is do my best to do as much for others. Don't get me wrong, I believe that God hates sin, but I think that while He gives grace, His heart breaks for all of us who struggle with sin. As Paul said in the New Testament, we are all sinners, and I the most of all. I so often feel like that. I wonder sometimes how I could sink any lower. There are so many things of which I am ashamed. I ask myself, how many times am I going to do that again, and swear I'm not going to go down those same paths, and before you know it, look where I've gone? Sometimes I'm sick with myself. But at the end of the day, I accomplish nothing if I remain in the mud, wallowing in what I could have been and how I might have done things differently. The most I can do is get back up, no matter how many times I've done it before, and believe tomorrow, I can be different. The cynic in me (which is most of me on a bad day) says that I will never change, and that I'm stuck in a never-ending circle of falling and getting up and I never actually manage to proceed forward. And that is so easy to believe, but I can't think that. Because the moment that I do believe that, it's true. I quit working to move forward, and I stay in the mud. I can only do the best I can do, but I believe that with God, the best I can do is better than I could do on my own. And I have to believe that. If I can be where I've been and still believe that God forgives, and gives me what I need to go on, then I will be there for others as well. I haven't gone through hell for no reason. Sure, sometimes it feels like it, but I refuse to believe there's not more purpose for my existence.

Ah, well. That is the best I can do for now. I wish I had more deep insight, but that's about as good as it gets.

Not to go overboard with the Terry Pratchett, but I'm reading Night Watch. It's where the Ankh-Morpork City Watch Commander, Sam Vimes, gets, by a fluke of both nature and magic, thrown back thirty years in time, and he has to train himself up to be a good cop because in the alternate reality someone kills the guy who actually did teach him to be a good cop. So now it's his job to make sure that the future that he knows actually happens. Man, I just love a good satire, and Pratchett does the funny stuff well.

Okay, enough already, you are saying. I am agreeing. Love you all.

Blog to top all blogs

Probably not really, but it sounds impressive, doesn't it? I'm currently checking all my email addresses, a sum total of three, and chatting with Rebekah and Erika, checking eBay for no particular reason since I'm not selling or watching anything, and buying sheets because the mattresses at UAA are extra long. I'm listening to Air Supply and continuing the relaxation from my afternoon.

Speaking of which I read a Terry Pratchett book this afternoon called The Dark Side of the Sun. It's one of his earlier books, and it was a bizarre mix of Isaac Asimov, Douglas Adams, and the Terry we all know and love. Asimov because it reminded me of the robot books about the Spacer worlds, and Douglas Adams because it had this thing where they went into infinity something, where you could see anything, because if it could exist in any particular universe there was a possibility that you'd see it there, and that reminded me of the hyperspace infinity drive thing where you could come out looking like a chair before reality righted itself, and Pratchett because, while not particularly funny, it had some good one-liners. So that was interesting.

You know, I'm worried about myself being on my own. That may sound strange, but what I mean is that I can just see myself going to pot without the structure I'm used to surrounding how I live my life. For instance, whenever I go visit Bo, I always kind of just laze about and such. I mean, not entirely, but a lot. I mean, I know I'm going to have homework and classes, and I'll get a job and stuff, I just hope that I can be responsible enough to be smart about all the things there are to be smart about. Sorry, I know that's kind of convoluted. I'm also worried about my diabetes control. If I don't be very stern with myself, I'm not going to do well. And when it comes to being disciplined, I'm not very good at being stern with myself. It's an extreme, extreme trial to do it with a more structured lifestyle, much less when I'm out on my own. God, help.

I also read a good Terry Pratchett book the other day called Thief of Time - I really liked it. He's been my favorite author because it's difficult to find the American authors I'm used to over here in Europe, so he was one that I knew I liked and could find easily over here.

Speaking of books, can't wait to get my hands on the new Harry Potter. I'll probably wait until I get back to the States.

Okay, well, I have to go order sheets. Love you dearly.

Another quick one

Sorry, this has to be fast, too, because I'm on the expensive internet line. London bombings were terrible to hear about, especially having been there and like I can actually picture some of the places. Like Russell Square was where we were staying at the hotel in London. Anyway...

If you all want to look at a blog where many from my tour group are posting things, you can look at it here. Note - I am in no way responsible for whatever bad language, etc. you might find there. Read at your own risk, but you might find it interesting.

Love you all. By the way, does anyone out there in the world of my blog know Emerson Sr.'s email address? Send me an email with it if you do. Thanks.

Really quickly

Well, just to let my fan club out there know that I'm fine and things are fine and everything is going finely. Right... anyway. I'm only going to give a short update because Nathalie is going to find herself an email address. Anyway, so yeah. Things are good. Youth camp is in two weeks now, and this morning Carlo and Angela Minotti and their two children arrived here for the duration. Can't believe there are only three weeks left until I pack it up again. I love you all dearly.

In answer to your question...

Main Entry: bof·fin
Pronunciation: 'bä-f&n
Function: noun
Etymology: origin unknown
chiefly British : a scientific expert; especially : one involved in technological research

There you are, Bo.

Some interesting things

Here are some fun things I found on my sister's blog:

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Exceptional

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

I am worth $1,684,716 on HumanForSale.com

Something else interesting.