I know, I know...

It's just been forever since I've written anything, and to my faithful followers, I'm terribly sorry. Let's see, so I've got the two jobs, and I just moved into my apartment yesterday. Was late for work today because I didn't know I was supposed to work today, and that was just plain poopy. I got contacts a little bit ago, and I'm still waiting to decide if they are right for me... They're a real pain to get in my eyeballs. Anyway, please, please leave comments or even better, write me emails. I miss everyone terribly.

The new job

It's amazing, really, how little logic does in the face of irrational fear. I mean, what I dislike the most about starting a new job is the fear that I will look stupid and that lost feeling, kind of like being out to sea. I mean, come on, Boj, it's four hours, how much damage is that going to do to your ego? Not much, probably. Before I know it, I'll be making new friends and feeling very comfortable, just like I do now and Barnes and Noble. And that took a couple of weeks, but it's totally fine now. And the honest truth is that two weeks will fly by, and I'll feel comfortable, no worries and all that. It's just these first few days that I abhor. But it's not even a full shift - just four measley hours! Honestly, I don't know what I'm so worried about. I'm not really worried, I just want to get it over with - that awkwardness. Ugh. But that really doesn't make me look forward to it any more than I do. Oh well. Within 24 hours, I'll be done my first day of working both jobs. That's nothing! No problems, right? Right...

Feeling a little homesick

The thing about trying to describe the pull to Whitestone to someone who really has no grasp on what it's like is that there are just some things that are completely indescribable. It's not the pull of friends, it's not the comfort of familiarity, it's not the security. Nor is it not those things. But there's an underlying, intangible force that draws me, that still has me, in moments unaware, calling it home. There's not really a way to portray in words what that is. How can I describe it? I cannot. It's what pulls at my heart when I listen to the beautiful music, and what used to frustrate me when I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and make it all go away. I know there are those of you out there who know exactly what I'm talking about. It's supernatural... almost foreign, yet a feeling I can't get out of my head. That's what causes the hole in my heart when I think of Whitestone. It transcends the drudgery in the worst times and makes the word "love" almost obsolete in its enormity. I only hope that someday, that force will be mine once again.