News from Cannes

Yes, I'm strolling the streets of the French Riviera. Saw the Grand Casino in Monte Carlo last night - very posh. Walked around with Rebecca Brown, a nice girl from... I can't remember... Florida, maybe? Anyway, fun fun fun.

I really have to go to the bathroom, but I don't know where to find a toilet.

Tomorrow we're off to Florence. Our days in France are almost done.

Well, nothing else to report as of yet. I'll keep you all informed.

Yes, I am having a blast

Sorry if the last post sounded unenthusiastic - I was so frustrated trying to type on the French keyboard that I couldnt get much more out then the bare minimum. Anyway, today we had a bit of a hike, and a picnic lunch out in the Beaujalais wine region. I got so fried. I am radiating heat. Oh well, what fun anyhows. Tomorrow we are headed to the French Riviera - Monté Carlo casinos, here we come.

As for the people, there are 39 on this tour. I am still working on peoples names, but theres Corey, Nathan and Damien together from Australia, Nick and Megan, brother and sister from Edmonton, Lydia from Australia, 6 people from California, etc. Our tour guide is Amy - shes great - and our bus driver is Pete, who is an absolute clown. They are both from Australia as well. Last night we went out to an Irish pub here in Lyon where most of us got at least a little drunk, some more then others. It was fun. Anyway, thats it for now - hopefully more details later on a better keyboard.

Oh, yeah, and the French guy was definitely a little too sure of himself. Nice to talk to, some guys I know could take some lessons in charm and niceness from him. Didnt want to kiss him, but still...

Oh to be in Lyon

Well, here I am in Lyon, France. Paris was great. I saw the Louvre, and that included the Mona Lisa, Venus de Milo, etc. Then I walked to the Musèe d Orsay and saw so,e Van Gogh, Renoir, and Monet. I went up the Eiffel Tower - terrible lines. Anyway, this French guy was talking to me and flirting wildly and even tried to kiss me a couple of times, but I wasnt too impressed. By the way, this is a French keyboard, and I cant find the apostrophe anywhere, so there will be none in this post. Anyway, thats all for now. Its very difficult to type on this thing.

The first European installment

Okay, folkies, I have been in London since 7 AM. I arrived after an uneventful flight, and lost 6 hours, consequently losing 6 hours of sleep. Basically what I'm trying to say is that I didn't sleep last night. I got on the London Underground, the Picadilly Line to be precise, and that was fine. I just sat there and watched people come and go until my stop. Then I wandered around with two big bags looking for the Royal National Hotel, and finally found it. I dropped off my bags with the porter since I couldn't check in until 2 PM. I wandered down to the American Express and traded a traveller's check for some pounds. I ate breakfast in Russell Square, a quaint, well, square, down from the hotel. Then I hopped onto a tour bus and toured the sights of London for a couple of hours. Here's what I saw, most of which I have pictures of until my batteries ran out... Big Ben, St. Paul's Cathedral, the Thames, 10 Downing Street, Westminster Abbey, the Royal Exchange, Monumen to the London fire, London Bridge, the Tower Bridge, the HMS Belfast, a navy cruiser used in WWII, now a museum, the Tower of London, where tons of people have been killed over time, Cleopatra's Needle (it's on obelisk), Fleet Street, the London Aquarium, the Marble Arch, the London (a nifty ferris wheel type observatory), Houses of Parliament, the theatre where Woman in White is playing, St. Thomas Hospital, where Florence Nightengale started her school of nursing, Lambeth Palace, Buckingham Palace, Victoria, and Wellington's Arch. Whew! Then I checked in and here I am. Oh, and I forgot - I lost my ticket so when they did a ticket check on the bus, I couldn't find it and had to get off and walk back to the hotel. My shoulders are soooo sore from my backpack. Anyway, that's it, more later.

Ho ho, here we go

Okay, folkies, this is the last post before I take off on my grand adventure.

Thanks, Nate, for the advice. Somehow, although the guy at Pearle Vision may have fixed my glasses, I don't think he could put me back together again. Believe me, if I ever find out that a guy has that capacity, I would marry him in a heart beat. Putting me back together can be quite an undertaking.

For those who care to know, here's how I can be reached while travelling about. To leave me an email, just write the usual address. To leave me a voice mail or to write me an email that I can pick up over the phone, write me at my address and I'll tell you how. I was going to put the info here, but this might be a bit too public a forum.

I'm eating tomato soup and printing Roth IRA distribution forms with which to deal with the last of the money from my grandma.

I sat on my glasses

Yes, folks, the brand new ones that I just got a few days ago. Totally bent the frame and popped out a lens. I was so worried they were going to be permanently damaged, but they're back to just about good as new. Poor guy at Pearle Vision. I almost fell on my face and kissed his feet. Okay, not really, but I felt like I could have if the need had arisen. You see, I just took them off my face last night while we were watching the movie Phantom of the Opera, which is very good by the way. True to the musical, but not identical, and very well done.

I'm downloading softward updates at this coffee shop, and I'm getting about 200 KB/sec. Whew - that's speedy compared to what I'm used to.

I should be leaving soon.

Well, if you must know

I've been at the bookstore reading for the whole afternoon. My mom left today. That is sad. I love her a lot. She is insisting on coming up to Anchorage when I go in August, so she can help me. I'm glad. I think I could figure it all out, but it is a lot so swallow at once, so it'll be nice to have her there.

Well, this is me in limbo. My mind is a whir. Or rather, my mind is whirring. Whatever. So anyway, here I am, going "whir whir whir." That's me. I went and watched "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" last night. It was super funny - bizarre, as all Douglas Adams should be. I got new glasses. Fun.

Dude, I'm sorry my life is so boring right now. Don't feel obligated to come back and read this until later.

What a to-do

This morning, I kinda had a big blow up, with myself really, although my sister got to hear all of it. I have a lot of thoughts roiling around in my head and a limited amount of time to express them as the parking meter is ticking down the block. However, I will say that it's frustrating to be in this vicious cycle where it's like, I come to visit my family and I feel like sometimes I'm treated like a child, and so then I act like a child a bit, and then I'm told to act my age, and then treated like a child. It's very frustrating. I feel like all my family ever gets to see is me being irresponsible and immature. You see, we haven't really lived together, all four of us, for five years, and I think I've changed a lot in five years - I really do. When I'm at Whitestone, or more generally, when I'm in a setting where I have responsibilities and I have to make decisions and all that, I can do it no sweat. Most of the time, I feel that I do pretty well at that. But you see, my family never gets to see me in those situations. They see me when I'm in limbo, or when I feel like I'm on vacation, or when I don't have anything to be responsible about, and I feel like all they see of me is the child. Then I get mad because I know I'm not really like that, it's just that I'm always visiting them, seeing them in their element, and they never come visit me and see me in my element, where I really am a grown-up, put-together individual. Therefore, I feel like I come across as this pouty child. For instance, this morning, my mom was going to take my dad to Springfield to fly back to WV, and I wasn't going to come, and there was no big to-do about it. I didn't think it was a big deal one way or the other, so I opted not to go for the drive and see if I could do some stuff while I had my sister's car. Anyway, my parents were staying, while they were here, with the Zieder's, an older couple from my sister's church. They're very fun people and very nice, but they started pushing the point of going with my parents. You see, in my mind, it just wasn't a big deal, but when they started pushing, and acting like I for some reason was not allowed to decide for myself, but needed to be directed on what I should do, not in a manner befitting a young adult but rather some teeny-bopper, it became a big deal for me not to give in to that because I hate it when people don't trust me to be the adult I am, youngest in the family though I may be. I asked my dad if he cared, and he said he didn't, and I asked my mom, and she said she wouldn't be mad but it was whether I had a heart to do it. To me, I wasn't thinking it was a "heart" issue, it was just a little drive to drop Dad off, so this made me mad because I felt like she was trying to make me feel guilty, and I wish she would have said something, if she thought it was indeed a big deal, before the Zeiders were pushing it, because then I might have come because we would have been talking about it on an adult level rather than me being treated like a little kid. I'm not saying I'm not to blame, I just don't think I'm the only one to blame. Anyway, I poured it all out to my sister and I was so frustrated that I was crying really hard. I do that when I get frustrated. I just wish I could be the responsible person that I know I am - I wish my family could see that, but I feel like all they see is me acting like a 15 year old. That must be my fault. I cannot fault others for the way I come across. It's just that here I have nothing to prove that I am who I have become rather than who I was five years ago - the only way I could prove that is by breaking the cycle and I should have gone to Springfield, even though I felt unjustly coerced in a childish manner, if that makes sense. I should have just sucked it up and done it, even though it would have charred my pride. Who gives a damn about my pride, honestly? It's not that important. Anyway, Dad, I'm sorry I didn't come. I really didn't think of it as a big deal and I should have thought of what it would mean to you and Mom. I'm really not the churlish person I come across as.

Whew, ok. Well, the parking meter is running. To all my friends out there, I love you.

Graduation of another sort

It's so funny being with my parents again... it's just like I'm a little girl again. I'm sitting here checking my email, and my dad is trying to get me to get ready to go to the ceremony and my sister is telling me not to spill my coke, and on and on. Honestly guys, I did grow up, even though you missed out on the last 5 years. Anyway, my sister's graduation ceremony is in 45 minutes, and she's got the whole cap and gown regalia. Anyway... We had a party/get-together over at one of Bo's friends houses this afternoon. It was nice to meet all her friends and family and some professors, but I got a little tired towards the end.

By the way, I tried to call my house from 1:30 until 3:30, which would be 10:30 'til 12:30 in AK, and it was busy the whole time. Whoever's fault that was is going to pay. Anyway, I can't believe the money that must needs be spent to facilitate everything in Europe on my trip. It's like 1500 Euro, at least. I mean, that's just what I have to take in traveller's checks. Oh well, all in a good month's adventure.

Anyway, I need to go get dolled up, as my dad put it. My mom is trying to clean out Kitty's eye and he's biting her. I tried to tell my brother-in-law that Kitty was a eunuch, but he said that eunuchs had it all cut off, so then I called him a castrati, and had to explain what that was. Okay, more later.

I am an extremely privileged person

I have to say, folks, I am honoured. I really, really am. It's an honour to know that there are even just four people out there who want to keep up with me and how I'm doing. Thanks.

I'm currently sitting in the Green Street Coffee House. Some of you may remember that this is where I spent most of my time last summer when I was here helping my sister with her wedding. It's currently under a different ownership, and the improvements are vast. It's nice. Actually, nostalgic as this may sound, it's almost like coming home again. Okay - a little over-the-top, but whatever. You know how it is when you run into something extremely familiar.

I can't believe that I'm leaving for Europe in a little over a week. I don't quite think that it's sunk in.

Yesterday, I did a bunch of shopping. I looked for glasses. I hate looking for glasses. It's so difficult to find some that I like now and that I can be sure I am going to like later. Grrr. I'm also making that really good stuffed chicken when my dad comes in - that stuff I made a couple of weeks ago. So yum. Best food I ever made.

I keep thinking back to the conversation that I had with Bill last Saturday - man, that already seems a lifetime away. I hate that, how time dims things. I remember asking him that if I ever grew up if maybe I could come back. Of course, he was all heart, as he can be sometimes, and said of course I could, if the time came and I really wanted to. I don't know. Maybe I won't. My life might have just changed in the most enormous way that I can't even comprehend. On the other hand, I might just need a year or two to just get all this crap out. I won't know until I decide. Whoa - that was deep, man.

It's so bizarre, looking at society these days, how much things have changed in the past century. I think this has been the most amazing 100 years ever. I mean, I've only been alive for about 20+ of them, but still, I know some history.

(This strange Nigerian guy who wanted to buy something of mine from eBay keeps trying chat with me... Go away, strange Nigerian person!)

Well, time to draw this living epistle to a close. Please keep in touch, all of you out there. I love you all so much and you are my favorite people ever. No joke.

An update

Well, to all of you out there who care, I arrived safely in Illinois. It's great to see my mom and my sister and her husband. My dad will get here on Saturday. Anyway, just kicking back for now.

Graduation

It was nice. I liked it. Nothing surprising - I think graduation is probably one of my favorite special occasions around here.

I'm just terribly depressed. I'm not really excited about anything that I'm going to be doing. I'm just sad. I know I will be more excited later, but right now just depressed. Is life always going to be this dumb? I mean, does anything ever become clear? I can just see myself wandering the rest of my life, searching for meaning until I just die, never having found it. God, that's depressing. I mean, I just want to be satisfied with something, instead of always feeling discontented about something. I always hate what I'm doing, or where I am, or who I'm with, or myself. Why can't I just find something and be happy with it? I mean, whenever I have too long to sit and think, I just get depressed. What's really difficult is that there are so many people around me who have settled who they are and what they're called to. How did they do it? Why could they make that decision, whatever "that" decision was, and I can't? How do people know that where they are is the right place to put down roots? I mean, my problem is that I so desperately want to put down roots and I try to, and then when I find that I can't, the roots I've put down have to be pulled out and it really hurts and I just wish I could find that place, because I don't want to wander for the rest of my life. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying and comparing every place to here and finding it wanting but I'm afraid that's what is doomed to happen. I just keep giving myself a back door, a loophole. Someday I'm going to have to stop giving myself room for the kind of crap. One day, I'm just going to have to grow up and realize that some things are for certain and I can't question them. You would think I'd have done that by now. I mean, come on, Joanna, you're an adult.

Yeah...whatever.

IT IS FINISHED

I know you all are probably sick to death of hearing it, but I finally finished the last detail of the last project of the last class of this year. It's done. Finito. Yay.

I got terribly depressed this afternoon, and it's all NSV's fault. Grrr. Of course, I knew it was bound to start sinking in, but I guess I just wasn't ready for it. Blindsided, as it were. I tried calling my mom, but that didn't really help. I guess it's just something that I'm going to have to handle and deal with. God help me.

Fun facts to know and tell: Tony Blair was re-elected as Prime Minister for a third term, a first for the Labour Party, and he was the first PM to have a baby while in office in 150 years. Why do I know stuff like that? I'm like a sinkhole for useless information. Like did you know that in the winter of 1932, Niagra Falls froze entirely? Isn't that a silly thing to know? Or that the state in which the most percentage of people walk to work is Alaska? Go figure.

To my latest reader, I hope to keep it scintillating...juicy, I believe you requested. I'll see what I can do. Somedays I just need an outlet and it's not very fun for people to read, but oh well. That's okay. This is, after all, my blog.

Going to bed.

More packing

More and more and more. It's amazing the treasures I'm finding, even after going through my stuff after a year. I'm really tired and I should go to bed.

Guess what!? Today, I turned in my last organic chem set and finished my last two lab conclusions and do you know what that means? THE END OF MY ORGANIC CHEMISTRY EXPERIENCE! Yay.

I learned today that Emerson William is leaving. He's even beating me out. Monday he's going to Seattle. Guess he's got a painting job and some apartment arrangement set up. More power to him. Wonder what will happen to choir. I'm glad I'm not going to be here to find out.

Matt Wenger has turned out to be a very nice guy. I can't believe he's going to be 18 in a few months - probably because I knew him when he was in 7th grade. He's a lot of fun, good-hearted and all that.

Tomorrow is the students' day for the teachers. I get to be a teacher. Did I already write that somewhere else? God knows I'm losing my marbles. So do most of the people I live with. So would anyone in the vicinity when I say anything half-baked. Which is all the time. I really enjoy writing with fragments. Can you tell? Whatever, anyway...

The only school work hanging over me from this year is to revise my biology paper, and I don't think that's going to be too difficult - just an hour or so.

Sleeping...

Good chicken

Yes, I made the best chicken on Saturday night - good thing since I was cooking for 16 people. It was really easy too. I just mixed cream cheese, feta, fried bacon, sun-dried tomatoes, and pesto together, and stuffed boneless, skinless chicken breasts. Then I floured them, dunked them in salad dressing (vinagarette) and coated with crumbled garlic and onion Ritz crackers. Threw them in the oven on a foiled, oiled tray at 375 F for about 50 minutes. Super yum. In case anybody cares...

I had a small fit about doing the last chemistry assignment today, and then sat down and go most of it done. I'm so silly.

I got super depressed tonight at dinner. You know, it's right about now that all the little things that I'm going to miss start to mean so much. It's fine - it's bound to happen no matter where one is and where one is going. I'll get used to it.

I'm listening to Annie Lennox - I like most of her stuff. Different.

What to do, what to do. I talked to the head of the new engineering programs - Dr. Grant Baker - today. Sent in a change of major form so that I can be officially on the docket for computer systems engineering. We'll see. I'm trying to get everything taken care of before I leave for Europe, because when I come back that's going to be it. I'll have to leave straight way for Anchorage, pretty much. Whatever. I just hope I don't mess anything up royally - I'm trying to stay as organized as possible, but if you know me...

Okay, that's it.

Procrastinating again

Big surprise, huh? Anyway, I was chatting with Eric Bell tonight. I think he'd had to much to drink, but it was interesting to talk to him again.

I'm working on organic chemistry - it's the story of my life, and it's almost done and I hate it.

I'm listening to Handel's Messiah - all we, like sheep, have indeed gone astray.

I was supposed to get a door knob for our room, but I don't think any of them are going to work.

I have to start packing soon. Argh.

I saw Sam today in Delta - that was nice. We only talked for about 20 minutes because I had to run to dinner.

Do you see how all these sentences start with "I"? It's because this is my blog where I get to talk about me all I want to. Cool, huh?

I need to sell my computer ASAP. Grrr. I will do it immediately. I need to do it before I leave, actually.

See, I'm procrastinating. It would be really nice to not have to get a job next year. I don't know if I'll be able to avoid it.

Interesting life, don't you think?