I feel compelled

Not for any particular reason, but I was reading various blogs and they made me sad. I mean, not the blogs, just certain posts. It makes me sad that some Christians proclaim to be such and don't act it, and others who don't have the time of day for such things seem to understand what it means to really love and forbear. I am a Christian. I don't know what that might mean to other people out there, but to me, it means that God loves the world, so He gave His Son to die for my sins that I could be redeemed. A little simplistic, but there you have it. It's not the end of the matter, I don't think, but I think that's where some of it begins. So all I can say is that if God loves me that much, than the least I can do is do my best to do as much for others. Don't get me wrong, I believe that God hates sin, but I think that while He gives grace, His heart breaks for all of us who struggle with sin. As Paul said in the New Testament, we are all sinners, and I the most of all. I so often feel like that. I wonder sometimes how I could sink any lower. There are so many things of which I am ashamed. I ask myself, how many times am I going to do that again, and swear I'm not going to go down those same paths, and before you know it, look where I've gone? Sometimes I'm sick with myself. But at the end of the day, I accomplish nothing if I remain in the mud, wallowing in what I could have been and how I might have done things differently. The most I can do is get back up, no matter how many times I've done it before, and believe tomorrow, I can be different. The cynic in me (which is most of me on a bad day) says that I will never change, and that I'm stuck in a never-ending circle of falling and getting up and I never actually manage to proceed forward. And that is so easy to believe, but I can't think that. Because the moment that I do believe that, it's true. I quit working to move forward, and I stay in the mud. I can only do the best I can do, but I believe that with God, the best I can do is better than I could do on my own. And I have to believe that. If I can be where I've been and still believe that God forgives, and gives me what I need to go on, then I will be there for others as well. I haven't gone through hell for no reason. Sure, sometimes it feels like it, but I refuse to believe there's not more purpose for my existence.

Ah, well. That is the best I can do for now. I wish I had more deep insight, but that's about as good as it gets.

Not to go overboard with the Terry Pratchett, but I'm reading Night Watch. It's where the Ankh-Morpork City Watch Commander, Sam Vimes, gets, by a fluke of both nature and magic, thrown back thirty years in time, and he has to train himself up to be a good cop because in the alternate reality someone kills the guy who actually did teach him to be a good cop. So now it's his job to make sure that the future that he knows actually happens. Man, I just love a good satire, and Pratchett does the funny stuff well.

Okay, enough already, you are saying. I am agreeing. Love you all.