The European way

Sometimes I wish I had been born in Ireland or Scotland or Iceland. I don't know why I have this fascination with those countries, but I just love them. I've always wanted to go to Iceland - I don't even know what's there to see, but there you have it. Mark Selvaggio and I are both really into Iceland, and we talk about it sometime. I'll go, one day, for some reason or another. Ireland is happening this summer - a whole month of it! I don't know about Scotland - it's not on the itinerary, but maybe I'll get a chance to see it. Laura Greenleaf's pictures of Scotland make it seem like such a beautiful place. I've always wanted to go to northern Scotland, up to the fishing villages. Maybe someday I'll move to northern Scotland. I could see myself doing that, just for the heck of it. Sometimes being impulsive can get you into trouble, but sometimes I get to experience and enjoy amazing things far more than other people. Of course, being just 20, I've only just gotten to the point where I can drastically exercise my right to do whatever I want, and this trip this summer is just the beginning. You know, when you're in high school and you have a head on your shoulders, you generally dig in and do what your supposed to do - the homework, the doing what your told by those in authority, whether that be parents or teachers. If you've gained a little wisdom by that age (I know what you're thinking - "very funny"), you learn to just do the proper things generally. But, when you graduate, a whole world of possibilities opens up to you. You can do anything. I don't like to think of anything as out of my reach. Heck, I bet if I put my whole heart into it, I could be an opera singer if I wanted to. People laugh when I say that, and granted, I am saying it jokingly, but I can see in their eyes that they're thinking, "Yeah right, you? An opera singer?" But I say I could do it. And I really, honestly believe that. Laugh all you want, but there you have it. And if I want to live in the fishing villages in norhtern Scotland, why not? Who's going to stop me? It doesn't mean there wouldn't be some things to deal with, such as getting a visa, or whatever they call them in Scotland, and getting a job, and making friends, and the language/accent barrier, but I could still do it. There is not one single thing that can stand in my way. Now, before anyone gets their knickers in a wad, I also really want to go to college and get a degree, not because I feel obligated, which is no reason at all, but because I honestly want to, and I plan on doing that. But maybe, when I'm 35, if I'm still free-lancing it, I'll just up and go for no reason except that I want to. I honestly believe that there's nothing wrong with being that impulsive. I mean, you have to lay a good groundwork for that kind of stuff. I could just take off, but if I'm in debt, or have no way of providing for myself, or I have certain real (not imagined - big difference) responsibilities to other people, then being impulsive with your life might get you into trouble, but honestly, if things are going well and you just want a change - a really big one - why not? Someone tell me, why not? What is so terribly important, why are you so tied up in knots, why are you so scared to do what you want to do?

Now, you may be asking - interesing soliloquy, but why is all this coming out now? I'll tell you.

I think it's because I'm terribly sick of trying to convince myself that what I imagine to be obligations are really that - important obligations. Yes, I have certain responsibilities, and I'm doing my best to make sure that I take care of those. But honestly, some of the things I imagine to be astoundingly important are nothing in reality, and the things I want to do are being thrown to the wayside like they are not important at all. What worth is it for me to live this life fulfilling duty after illusory duty when the things worth living for - my aspirations and dreams - are going unfulfilled?

I outrightly refuse to become another cubicled desk job when there's a whole universe - and yes, I do mean universe - of possibilities out there.