Yes, my friends, it's that early the night before State, and I just finished packing. Now I'm just waiting for the bathroom because someone was taking a shower.
You'd think I'd learn a thing or two from my experience with speech coaching. I'm a terrible coach. On top of that, I'm really not teacher material. I'm just plain too selfish. Right now, I'm dreading tournament. I'm dreading that I'll feel useless like I did tonight when I saw Nika helping Angela get all the stuff together and I was oblivious to the fact that they were even doing anything. I'm dreading watching Angela and Nika be together in a room and me having fun yet feeling left out because they're off being "Nika and Angela" together. I really dread being there and feeling like an extra arm that someone carries around because they feel obligated to. Why do you think I go to tournaments, I mean, really? It's because I want to feel important, and because I want to judge because that means someone has to care what I think. I'm dreading Bill being there, wondering what I'm doing there, all the while not knowing that I coach extemp day in and day out. I'm dreading not being useful enough, feeling guilty that I'm just another responsibility rather than a help. Why can't I just look forward to State? Why do I have to sit here and overanalyse my complexes? I told you I was too selfish - this whole paragraph has been about me, and I'm the least important member going. Honestly, Joanna, get a grip.
I made a movie, it's super cool.
2 comments:
Boj, screw it and enjoy yourself. Love ya!
Thanks, I did and it was great
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