Every thing we've ever stolen has been lost, returned or broken

A joy to be back from tournament. I had an okay time. For some reason I got to thinking about a lot of different stuff. Reminded me how vitriolic and cynical I can be. I am so tired of this. God, why does this happen? Why can I not know what is right? Why does this stuff have to be so difficult? Everything is so dumb. How come everyone else I know seems to have an overriding desire to do whatever it is they end up doing and they can be so sure? I mean, people who go off to college really want to go and barely thing twice about if it's "right," and people I know who are here have made some sort of unearthly decision that they need to be here. Dumb.

On an entirely different note, I am so proud of Ben for winning DX this tournament. I hope he keeps it up through State. That would be so awesome. I know he can do it. I did it - won the third tournament and then won at State. Yay for Ben. Wish I could go to Nationals, but alas, I'm going to be galavanting around Europe. Hohoho.

I managed to get seven organic chem problems done in about an hour and a half last night. I was very proud of myself, but I must admit that they were also rather easy. I actually did have some trouble on the last problem and need a little guidance, but I don't feel badly because they were complex syntheses from 2-pentene into various octynes and butynes. Whatever.

Interesting talk with Nathan on the way home from tournament yesterday. Made me angry. I'll get over it, but it still made me mad. I hate thinking about depressing things and remembering how bitter I am about stuff. I'd rather stuff it under the couch cushions and forget about it. I am well aware that it doesn't solve anything and it won't go away - it will still sit under the cushions and rot. I don't need a freaking mentor - there's nothing anyone can tell me that I don't already know, thus it's a waste of time to listen to the same things over and over again. I may hold on to stuff from years ago, but it doesn't affect my relationship with those people. Even as I write that I know it's not true. In little ways, I remember - I have a little less respect, am more likely to place blame, ever-so-slightly less likely to forgive. What a joke. What a big fat joke.